Water Music

Nothing in life is easy. And trouble comes in bunches. Adages abound when one is faced with more chores than time. It's the unexpected disasters that flavor life. Or, sour it.

Take the case of our home last night when my lovely wife, Steffi, went to take a bath in the jacuzzi. She mentioned that the hot water wouldn't stop running. So, when she left the tub to jump in the shower, I got the handle off with the allen wrench, started looking at the faucet valve and soon had managed, in all of my mechanical aptitude, to remove the wrong part and that's when the geyser erupted.

Scalding water shot into the air, I couldn't get the valve to seat again and the panic set in. "Steffi, I said almost calmly, I need some help here." With a head full of shampoo, she stuck her head out of the shower and said, "What?" I repeated my plea somewhat more loudly. "Help me!" I stuffed a towel down on the geyser which was just about useless, as it quickly became saturated with piping hot water. I told Steffi to go shut off the water and after a couple of minutes, she came back, not knowing where the shutoff was. I then had her hold the towels (now several) on the geyser and ran across the house to shut off the main water supply.

Towel after towel flew onto the floor, in a vain attempt to sop up the tidal wave, which had now migrated into the master closet. Master closets, as we know, always have carpet for our footsie comfort in the morning. There was, I suppose, some humor to this as our friend, Judy, came in to see my naked wife with foamy hair running around in panic and me, with my soaked clothes looking like I had just taken a few rounds in the stomach.

Next, I discovered that there was no shutoffs for the jacuzzi itself. In the style of far too many remodelers, the one who had installed this tub, in clear violation of building codes, had never installed shutoffs for the hot and cold feeds. I had to discover this by taking a hammer and pounding the tile apron off of the side of the jacuzzi. As I stood in the pile of debris, up to my ankles in water, I heard a still small voice say to me, "It's not what happens to you in life, it's how you handle it". I can firmly state that I have not evolved. Every curseword I learned in the Navy came pouring back into memory and I can only guess that our friend Judy sees me now as a filthy, stinking, foul-mouthed heathen. I did manage to get the valve back into the hole, after pushing the piece that controls the flow to the spout down into the water pipe, lost forever. Now, the hot water just runs relentlessly down the drain.

After calling the professionals, Steffi poured me a tall glass of wine and I settled in to a night of turning the water on and off, running back and forth to the kitchen preparing dinner. And flushing. Our next door neighbors came over and soon I forgot about the debacle, though it took a bottle and a half of wine to accomplish this. I can safely say, one must know their limitations. I certainly was reminded of mine. And I can further state that Steffi is the most patient woman in the world.....