The One Thing

Of all the things we pursue there is only one that counts: our passion in life. In the movie "City Slickers", The late Jack Palance's character was telling Billy Crystal's character what he
thought was the most important thing to him. He held up his gloved finger and said, "The One Thing". He was comically delivering a profound truth.

We sometimes look at those around us and wonder why some are able to find joy, fulfillment and sometimes even riches doing something they seem to do effortlessly. As we toil away at trying to find money, love, fame, security or whatever seems missing in our lives, we always look outward. Another lover, the next role, the perfect job are the goal, though we know not how to find them. If we think we have, we soon find that this new person/thing/job, too, is flawed.

In this quandary, there are three vital lessons. First, we fail because we look outward, not inward. In other words, we are who we are. We are not money, fame, prized employee or perfect lover. We are uniquely us, with our particular strengths and weaknesses and we possess a bent, or tendency toward certain things in life.

Secondly, we look forward rather than backward. If we continually look for what we don't possess, we fail to see what we have. That can only be done by both living in the now to recognize what we do have, and reviewing those things in our past that gave us joy and fulfillment.

Finally, we see our fulfillment as a destination. Joy and fulfillment are a fluid, ongoing movement of the life we live being true to ourselves. This need not necessarily be a religious discussion, for we are at peace when we are at peace with ourselves. We are at peace with ourselves when we are true to ourselves, our interests, our desires, our strengths and our weaknesses.

The reality is, when we live true to ourselves, the manifestation of our passion for life draws those things to us that we desire. The old Texas saying, "You can't push a rope" holds true here. You cannot force success, joy or fulfillment. They are a natural byproduct of living honestly, at peace with yourself and others. They follow.

And how to find this peace? Being candid, I haven't yet reached this state of being. I see it all around me, though. The other day, I googled "finding one's passion" and found an array of interesting articles. They all pointed to one's inner self and one's past to find the keys of that one thing.

According to some, a written inventory of what has brought you joy in the past is one step. Take the highlights of your life- those things that gave you the most peace and fulfillment. Then, make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. Here we are looking for patterns. In these patterns you find in your experience there is a key to what makes you tick. Even when your expose your weaknesses, find an offsetting strength that you possess.

If all of this seems too spiritual, join the club. Lately, I've been interested, no, compelled to plunge into this topic with a fervor I haven't felt in many years. My brother, Graham and I have talked several times about how we see the futility in chasing the cultural brass ring, while knowing deep down that only those times when we offer ourselves in love, in some measure of giving, do we approach the feeling of "fulfillment".

Lately, I've been reading a book called "Tuesdays with Morrie", by Mitch Albom. It's the story of a young man (Mitch) who reconnects with an old friend (Morrie) just in time to watch Morrie die from ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease. They meet every Tuesday and discuss different aspects of life, and death. Mitch is a driven workaholic who at first can't seem to find the time to visit. Morrie is Mitch's old professor from college, who befriended Mitch at a young age and as it turns out, was his primary mentor in life. As the disease progresses, Mitch is forced to reach out physically to assist Morrie with his simplest physical movements and in this, finds himself opening up emotionally to things long since buried in his soul.

Morrie has many profound truths to share but one or two stick in my proverbial craw. The first is so time-worn for most of us it almost zips by without mention or understanding. It is, simply put, that the only thing meaningful we can really do with our life is to learn how to love. Not just how to give unconditional love, but for some of us, how to receive it. If love is the primary motivating force in our actions, we draw those whom we are destined to affect and improve, to ourselves. All religions share this premise with slight variations. There is no law nor is there any defense against love. There is no instance where this act of the heart returns void. Which brings us to the second profundity that surfaces in this discussion, purpose.

Morrie tells Mitch that most of us are "sleep-walking" through life. We have countless responsibilities and chores and activities that propel us through each day, leaving us tired, spent and largely unfulfilled. We chase these things in some cases because we perceive that honor and duty dictate that we do. Most of what we do though is motivated by the lesser angels: greed, power, etcetera.

The conundrum, wrapped in an enigma, has to be how one disengages from these activities long enough, and with enough productive discovery to reach the state of being that begins to encourage forces around us to participate in our growth, our passion in life. What I firmly believe is that when we are able to reach a point that we distance ourselves mentally from the normal movements of our lives, striving to know how we are to love and give in the most meaningful way, things start to happen.

Some years back, frustrated with my life and profession, home building, I looked to other geographic locations for relief from my dissatisfaction. I looked fruitlessly at other companies as if they offered the answers. One day, I looked up at the heavens and offered my surrender. I told God I didn't know what to do but that I couldn't take the stress and strain of doing what I enjoyed doing if it was going to cost me my life. After several moves, I found myself in a unique situation of low-stress, high reward and decent compensation as well. In this imploding economy and catastrophic circumstances in home building, I now look back and see all of those builders I worked with (or wanted to work with) out of business, in hibernation, hurting financially to the brink of bankruptcy and waiting for the return of the boom years. How grateful I am to be in the position of working with whom I practice this craft. This only came about by my willingness to put aside my temporal interpretations of my condition, do the best I could and then wait for help from above to guide my path. Not that what I'm doing and where I currently am is the final destination but rather I can clearly see the movement, the direction of my life being guided by something outside of my control. My only current frustrations come from knowing that there is a next step- a point in which I truly am able to produce love and something meaningful while enjoying the peace that comes from being exactly where one is supposed to be in the larger scope of living ones' passion.

Morrie had the wonderful gift of teaching. Mother Theresa was obviously gifted with the ability to nurture. Others have the gifts of healing, guiding, exhorting and the like. I suspect that whatever we each find through an inner search to be our gift, we will only find true joy and fulfillment when we offer our gift freely to others we meet. That one thing.