The Plumber's Pipes Always Leak.....

Being a builder is not all it's cracked up to be. And I'm not talking about the current economy. I'm talking about the builder's private residence. I'm talking about the ongoing maintenance and repairs that occur in a 35 year old house. I'm talking about having the job during the day of seeing any variance in the work necessary to erect a new home and then trying to turn that off when you return to the hacienda at night. It isn't easy. When I get home at night I see 3,465 variances. To remedy said variances would require somewhere in the neighborhood of $125,000.00.

Now for those who don't watch the nightly news, that's some pretty serious cash in a very uncertain world. I have the list. I have the schedule. I have the budget. I just don't have the cash. So, I sit and stare at 3,465 variances every night during commercials. I take sleep aids.

You might suggest, and rightfully so, that I learn to manage said stress with the help of a professional. Good idea, but during good times, I subscribed to an HSA that basically says in the contract that if I don't have a heart attack or major car accident requiring 35 operations to reconstruct my bowels, I'm on my own. So, any such counseling would require out-of-pocket expenditures, which would only further exacerbate my shortfall of cash necessary to remedy this stress. Catch-22 Chapter 11.

If anyone repeats this, I'll deny it, but I asked some friends at a gathering one evening if they knew any arsonists. After everyone laughed and left the table hurriedly,one of them seemed very thoughtful, turned and asked, "What would it pay?" I offered 20% of the net gain over the mortgage payoff. He walked off. Apparently 20% is not enough.

Others have suggested I "borrow" (a synonym for steal) materials from my projects and call in "favors" (another word for extortion) from my subs. Sorry, my late father didn't bring me up that way. Oh, that I could be so footloose with morality. At least the variances would get a big dent in them. And my house would quit leaking.

The only other plan I came up with last Spring was to sell it as is and move into a brand new condo. It was a hell of a plan, replete with yard sales selling off everything we owned. In my zeal, I never considered what would happen if we couldn't sell the house (see the comment above on the economy). Now I have a relatively furniture-free ranch home in Marietta on the golf course that needs $135,000. (inflation) in repairs and improvements.

Don't even mention banks. They don't know what to loan, who to loan it to, or how much to charge right now. I just fired my current banker because of this. I don't think he cared. He knows my collateral has 3,466 variances (one of my light fixtures just burned up).